Top Ten Sylvester Stallone Movie Ideas

It is amazing to me how many aging, action movie stars are trying to make a comeback. Arguably, foremost among them is Sylvester Stallone, who was most famous for playing characters like John Rambo and Rocky Balboa.

I have to admit I've spent many hours as a youth enjoying these types of action movies--a fact I'm not overly proud of. At first I'm appalled when I hear of these comebacks. Stallone, for instance, is not only the same age as President Bush but he also shares the same birthday (July 6, 1946). When you do the math that makes him 61 years old!

The fact that Stallone is 60+ is not a deal breaker. But to continue to make action movies, he'll need creative ideas and solid scripts with the right spin. With the right spin anything is possible, which is why I've decided to help the man out and give him some future ideas for projects.

1. "Dis-orderly Conduct" - Rambo is placed in an assisted living home and must escape. The movie starts out with John Rambo pretending to have a cardiac event in bed. As the orderly leans over him to check his vitals, Rambo smothers him with the Depends he's managed to wiggle out of. This starts his big escape as he systematically takes out the doctors and nursing staff.
2. "RamboCop" - The military decides to refurbish their aging asset using cyborg technology. This would be a little bit like RoboCop but so much cooler.
3. "Tour of Duty" - Rambo and his Asian mistress tour the US in a stolen RV with the police in close pursuit.
   
4. "Rocky Carcinoma" - Rocky must battle his toughest opponent yet. An eleven rounder with prostate cancer!
5. "401K Cliffhanger" - Stallone plays an aging movie star who is ready to retire. However, his reckless spending habits and appetite for the finer things in life have made this impossible--forcing the actor to push off retirement. Will his financial advisers be able to help him save enough to make his retirement dreams possible?
6. "Over the Hill" - This would be the sequel to Stallone's under appreciated arm wrestling movie "Over the Top".
7. "Rocky Roid" - No, this isn't a flavor of ice cream, and no it is not a movie about Rocky shooting up with steroids to stay in the game. Rather, it is the inspiring story of the aged boxer's struggle to regain the title while dealing with a flaring bout of hemorrhoids.
8. "Put to Pasture" - A cleaver play on Rocky's title "The Italian Stallion". I still have to work out the plot on this one.
9. "Eye of the Turtle" - One of my favorite songs in the 80s was "Eye of the Tiger" and the Rocky movies did a great job of exploiting that theme. Now 60+, Rocky must exploit a new strategy to find success--the "Eye of the Turtle".
10. "Last Blood" - I think this title speaks for itself.