The other day Rochelle laid down the law and told me it was time she had a decent work/project desk. Of course money is tight these days, and so we decided the best place to purchase said desk would be Ikea.I've honestly never really bought anything major at Ikea. I've enjoyed their meatballs and hotdogs in the past, but I've never really made a major purchase at the store. So the whole trip was a learning experience for me.
Since it was Saturday and I knew I'd be in for a long trip with lots of other customers, I decided to get some meatballs. There is nothing worse than shopping on an empty stomach. The food was pretty good, but as I was leaving a lady grabbed me by the arm and pointed to a sign that said something about cleaning up your tray so Ikea could keep prices low. Well I didn't want to single handedly cause "Ikea inflation" so I did my part to clean up my table and tray.
Next I managed to make my way through the maze of displays and find the workarea lady. She helped me configure the desk and generated a two page shopping list. Two pages for a single desk? "OK, where do I bring my car to pick it up?" She then informed me I had to go pick out the packages in the warehouse, which is how they keep prices low. So I proceeded to make my way to the warehouse. Only one problem, I had to walk through two miles of merchandise to get there.
At this point I'm starting to feel like I'm in a video game quest. Talking to people trying to find a short cut, gathering the necessary puzzle pieces, and decoding the map I was given to find my list of items. Truthfully, my one desk required 13 packages!
The first 12 packages were all fairly small, but number 13 was about 6 feet long and 5 feet wide. Disregarding the picture of two happy Swedish fellows lifting the box, I somehow managed to finagle the package on to my cart by myself and made it to the checkout. At this point I'm tired, sweaty, and ready to get home.
The girl at the checkout then scolds me for not lining up the bar codes on my 13 packages correctly. She asks "Sir, haven't you shopped here before?" I jokingly replied, "A better question to ask is, will I shop here again?" She then said, "We keep prices lower by having you line up packages so we can scan items faster."
At this point in my shopping trip I'm having two thoughts (1) the guy who started Ikea is brilliant because he has basically turned all his customers into his employees and (2) how do I apply for a job at Ikea? As I'm leaving they have a special for two hot dogs, a pop, and chips for $2. Perfect, I've seriously worked up an appetite and that is too good of deal to pass up. Ikea makes me happy again.
So I victoriously get all 13 packages I need home, amazingly not forgetting any. I open all the packages and get the directions out only to discover that apparently Swedish furniture makers communicate using cryptic pictographs instead of words. Then the thought comes to my mind, "We keep our prices lower by not translating instructions and letting you figure it out."
OK, so at this point let me conclude that I'm all for keeping prices low. We all need a break with soaring gas prices, inflation, and the sagging economy. But it isn't me clearing my plate or lining up my packages that keeps Ikea prices low. It is the fact that all Ikea furniture is made from wood chips and glue. There I said it. That is the real secret, but I still may apply for a job there. I wonder if they give employees free meatballs?
